No, silly. I'm not talking about some kind of Oprah-esque realization that even when bad things happen they teach us something about ourselves, blah blah blah. Although I agree with that idea in theory, I am just not able to get to that point in less than a month.
What I'm talking about does sometimes seem a lot like an IVF cycle. You do everything you can, you go through all kinds of tests, you interview at all the places with the best reputations, you decide you're willing to spend an enormous amount of money in hopes that you'll get what you want in the end. It's a roll of the dice, and sometimes it seems like it only works out for people who don't even really care that much in the first place...
The private school admissions letters come out tomorrow.
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About Me
- Lorraine
- Southern California
- After seven years of secondary infertility, I may be middle-aged, but my eggs are mostly decrepit.
The Elderly History
Late 20th Century Pregnancy!
Red-haired, blue eyed daughter.
Five years later...
03/05 - failing to become pregnant at the drop of a hat, we are told that we just need to be more aware of timing and begin using OPKs.
06/05 - hormone testing reveals a medium-okay FSH of 6.2, and oodles of sperm - but slightly low motility
09/05 - HSG reveals absolutely no problems
01/06 - OI # 1 - super-tiny doses of stims, one follicle and timed intercourse - hey, a BFP!
02/06 - betas rise appropriately, but no heartbeat, D&C
05/06 - OI #2 - small amount of stims, three follicles, BFN
07/06 - OI #3 - more stims, nine follicles, BFN
10/06 - IUI#1 - switch meds, six follicles, BFP!
11/06 - crappy betas, no heartbeat, D&C, testing shows trisomy 17
03/07 - IUI #2 - same protocol, BFN
05/07 - IUI #3 - same protocol, BFN
07/07 - IVF #1 - long protocol, BFN
11/07 - IVF #2 - flare protocol, BFN
Red-haired, blue eyed daughter.
Five years later...
03/05 - failing to become pregnant at the drop of a hat, we are told that we just need to be more aware of timing and begin using OPKs.
06/05 - hormone testing reveals a medium-okay FSH of 6.2, and oodles of sperm - but slightly low motility
09/05 - HSG reveals absolutely no problems
01/06 - OI # 1 - super-tiny doses of stims, one follicle and timed intercourse - hey, a BFP!
02/06 - betas rise appropriately, but no heartbeat, D&C
05/06 - OI #2 - small amount of stims, three follicles, BFN
07/06 - OI #3 - more stims, nine follicles, BFN
10/06 - IUI#1 - switch meds, six follicles, BFP!
11/06 - crappy betas, no heartbeat, D&C, testing shows trisomy 17
03/07 - IUI #2 - same protocol, BFN
05/07 - IUI #3 - same protocol, BFN
07/07 - IVF #1 - long protocol, BFN
11/07 - IVF #2 - flare protocol, BFN
08/08 - Hardcore new clinic; FSH of 9.8
09/08 - IVF #3 - lupron-antagonist protocol, lots and lots of stims, steroids, antibiotics... BFP!
02/09 - Second trimester miscarriage.
04/09 - IVF #4 - antagonist-only protocol, step-down stims plus everything else from the last cycle. CANCELLED due to a cyst.
06/09 - IVF #4 take 2 - antagonist-only protocol, step-down stims w/ LH boost - BFP...
09/08 - IVF #3 - lupron-antagonist protocol, lots and lots of stims, steroids, antibiotics... BFP!
02/09 - Second trimester miscarriage.
04/09 - IVF #4 - antagonist-only protocol, step-down stims plus everything else from the last cycle. CANCELLED due to a cyst.
06/09 - IVF #4 take 2 - antagonist-only protocol, step-down stims w/ LH boost - BFP...
11/09 - 20 week ultrasound - looks good!
01/10 - fluid leak at 30 weeks followed by low amniotic fluid measurements - bed rest!
03/15 - actual real live baby #2
3 comments:
It really is a very sad roll of the dice ultimately.
And given my need to control outcomes, I HATE that. Between the tests, surgeries, exams, financial investment (or debt) and extensive research, I always feel like I've done everything to ensure success (and I have) but YET, all I really did was stack the odds in my favor but, certainly, it's no slam dunk - it NEVER is. :(
I was just thinking the other night how much IVF is such a crap shoot. I don't understand though. Fertile women have sex, release 1 egg and get pregnant. We are transferring back 2-3 embryos and we don't get pregnant. I dont get it. Why is it so hard for some of us? Ughhhh. Why isn't it a crap shoot for fertiles. I hope you have a good weekend and thank you for all your support!
Hope the letter brought great news for both you and your daughter.
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