Thanks for all of your kind comments while I have been trying to get myself through these last few weeks. I can't imagine how it would be to feel that nobody has the least idea what this has been like. It's sad that anybody has to know, but in the absence of a solution for that problem, it's comforting to have such empathy and understanding from others.
That, plus a massage therapist, a chiropractor, a facialist, a hairdresser and a trainer - enough experts and I might somehow emerge from this experience relatively unscathed. If I add all of these expenses to the total IF tab, though, I may actually faint dead away. Luckily, our trip to Hawaii was booked on credit card miles and the very convenient fact that my husband's brothers run hotels on two of the islands. (Needless to say, it is our standard getaway.) Still, the financial toll of infertility is just ridiculous at a certain point. The emotional toll is impossible to measure, but I think we all know that it's steep even if you do eventually get the happy ending.
I had my post-op OB appointment today. This is the first time I've ever felt really confident that all of my online research actually gave me a complete understanding of my options - that scouring pubmed articles wasn't just a random and spotty education. I had researched each component of every article that even slightly pertained to my experience, and I had figured out how to filter for my age and for my first trimester test results. Suffice it to say, I had ten vials of blood drawn, I will be tested for everything I asked to be tested for and I have an appointment with a genetic counselor on Friday.
Other than that, I am starting to feel a little bit sort of normalish again. Maybe it's just that the supplemental estrogen is out of my system, but I feel like I might be able to function like a human being again. My OB thinks I will probably get a period in about two weeks, which is a good sign - sometimes it takes the body a while to readjust, but she thinks I am about to ovulate, so maybe feeling somewhat back to normal is just a side effect of actually being somewhat back to normal?
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About Me
- Lorraine
- Southern California
- After seven years of secondary infertility, I may be middle-aged, but my eggs are mostly decrepit.
The Elderly History
Late 20th Century Pregnancy!
Red-haired, blue eyed daughter.
Five years later...
03/05 - failing to become pregnant at the drop of a hat, we are told that we just need to be more aware of timing and begin using OPKs.
06/05 - hormone testing reveals a medium-okay FSH of 6.2, and oodles of sperm - but slightly low motility
09/05 - HSG reveals absolutely no problems
01/06 - OI # 1 - super-tiny doses of stims, one follicle and timed intercourse - hey, a BFP!
02/06 - betas rise appropriately, but no heartbeat, D&C
05/06 - OI #2 - small amount of stims, three follicles, BFN
07/06 - OI #3 - more stims, nine follicles, BFN
10/06 - IUI#1 - switch meds, six follicles, BFP!
11/06 - crappy betas, no heartbeat, D&C, testing shows trisomy 17
03/07 - IUI #2 - same protocol, BFN
05/07 - IUI #3 - same protocol, BFN
07/07 - IVF #1 - long protocol, BFN
11/07 - IVF #2 - flare protocol, BFN
Red-haired, blue eyed daughter.
Five years later...
03/05 - failing to become pregnant at the drop of a hat, we are told that we just need to be more aware of timing and begin using OPKs.
06/05 - hormone testing reveals a medium-okay FSH of 6.2, and oodles of sperm - but slightly low motility
09/05 - HSG reveals absolutely no problems
01/06 - OI # 1 - super-tiny doses of stims, one follicle and timed intercourse - hey, a BFP!
02/06 - betas rise appropriately, but no heartbeat, D&C
05/06 - OI #2 - small amount of stims, three follicles, BFN
07/06 - OI #3 - more stims, nine follicles, BFN
10/06 - IUI#1 - switch meds, six follicles, BFP!
11/06 - crappy betas, no heartbeat, D&C, testing shows trisomy 17
03/07 - IUI #2 - same protocol, BFN
05/07 - IUI #3 - same protocol, BFN
07/07 - IVF #1 - long protocol, BFN
11/07 - IVF #2 - flare protocol, BFN
08/08 - Hardcore new clinic; FSH of 9.8
09/08 - IVF #3 - lupron-antagonist protocol, lots and lots of stims, steroids, antibiotics... BFP!
02/09 - Second trimester miscarriage.
04/09 - IVF #4 - antagonist-only protocol, step-down stims plus everything else from the last cycle. CANCELLED due to a cyst.
06/09 - IVF #4 take 2 - antagonist-only protocol, step-down stims w/ LH boost - BFP...
09/08 - IVF #3 - lupron-antagonist protocol, lots and lots of stims, steroids, antibiotics... BFP!
02/09 - Second trimester miscarriage.
04/09 - IVF #4 - antagonist-only protocol, step-down stims plus everything else from the last cycle. CANCELLED due to a cyst.
06/09 - IVF #4 take 2 - antagonist-only protocol, step-down stims w/ LH boost - BFP...
11/09 - 20 week ultrasound - looks good!
01/10 - fluid leak at 30 weeks followed by low amniotic fluid measurements - bed rest!
03/15 - actual real live baby #2
6 comments:
Hugs to you Lorraine. It is good to see your updates - so we know you're doing ok.
Good luck with the results of those blood tests from today, and I hope life comes back to normal soon. It may not be how it used to be, but a newer "normal".
Take care.
It's good to hear from you.
My hairdresser is about 7 months pregnant via IVF with twins, and she went to my doctor. Usually a new hairdo is therapy, but in this case I'm not so sure. LOL!
Kudos to you and your google research. I just about died when my doc said not to google something. It's my intellectual right to be informed or maybe misinformed! :)
Enjoy your trip. I'll be off to San Francisco, although with all of the snow days it might be a summer trip now.
Sending you normalcy vibes.
Always sending you good thoughts Lorraine, especially during this time. But good to know you may embarking on some sense of normalcy soon. You're a very strong girl.
I think it makes a difference after a miscarriage when your hormones start getting back to normal. Hang in there!
getting back to normal can sometimes come in fits and stops so i think it's worth embracing each little bit that seems closer to normal. sounds like you're doing an amazing job.
Just wanted to say that I am thinking about you during this difficult time. I hope you can somewhat enjoy your upcoming vacation. Good luck with all of your blood tests.
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