One Last Time, Again

Well… it's been a year since my last failed IVF cycle.

Back then, I couldn't have imagined then that a year could possibly pass at all, that so many days could somehow just go by. Or that I would stop thinking about my whole life in relation to my cycle schedule. But, somehow, it just happened – I took a break to figure things out and I never went back. I got off the IVF rollercoaster and lived a normal life.

Mostly, I decided that it would be great if I could just move on. After all, my husband and I already have a child together. I love my relationship with my daughter, and I think we all function very well as a family of three. She is older now, the days of diapers and tantrums and neverending games of ring-around-the-rosies are behind us - why not be happy with things as they are? And I am happy, but…

That twinge of longing never really went away. And every time I hear that my best friend is (whoops!) pregnant again, my cousin is expecting twins, my sister is pregnant immediately after going off the pill… I can't help thinking that it's not too late. Not really – I may be old, but I'm not ancient yet. I think I'll always regret it if I don't give it one more try. Just so I don't always wonder.