Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Time Not Flying

It seems like it's been about a billion years since my last scan. It's peculiar that I myself was once a blissfully unaware pregnant lady, nonchalantly assuming that all would be well, and yet after seven years of infertility I am in need of regular reassurance.

Not that I have any particular reasons to worry. No unusual symptoms, no threatening conditions. It's just a tendency to believe that things aren't going to work out, because they so often haven't. And now that I'm really invested in this pregnancy - literally, in that I am having a wall built in my house to make an open room into something that might be able to be called a third bedroom - I am more anxious. The calm I feel after an appointment seems to wear off over time, and I am starting to think that I should rent one of those doppler devices after all. I hoped to be able to overcome the fear that years of disappointing treatment left me with, but it's harder to shake than I thought.


My daughter has gotten over the initial shock of finding out that I'm pregnant. She bought a baby name book with her own money and is busy crossing out the absolutely not acceptable names (Snowdrop, Horst) and highlighting the ones she likes (Jillian, Daniel). She says she is going to read Shakespeare to my stomach once she can feel the baby kicking, so she can tell if it likes the comedies or the tragedies. And she is excited about the idea of taking walks with the dog and the baby.

Our dog research continues. We met an adorable yorkshire-pekingese mix, which is supposed to be low-shedding and very friendly. And my daughter has been googling images of little maltese puppies almost every day. But poodles shed less than any other dog, so maybe a poodle rescue dog is our best bet. In any case, we have put the final decision off until the end of February, since we will be dealing with the construction and it just seems unfair to bring a new dog into a carpentry mess. I think the right dog will find us.

Private school interviews start next week! We got the test scores back and the information is actually fascinating - there are two scores each for verbal and mathematical abilities. The first measures comprehension and the second measures application. If there are wide discrepancies between the two it's a sign that there may be a problem - it could be just a concentration problem or a learning disability.

Luckily my daughter's scores came in exactly the same for each category - 9s for verbal and 7s for math (on a scale of 1-9 - with a true bell curve, anything above a 5 considered good.). Which I think is really accurate, given the flap about standardized testing. Even though her Wechsler IV scores put her in the top 99.9% across the board, IQ tests don't really measure practical abilities so much as cognitive agility. I think that in terms of school experience, the ISEE gives a better picture of her as a student than the IQ test does. Anyone who has taught her would say that her strengths are in the humanities, although she is certainly a perfectly good math and science student. So, that's my take on standardized testing - for this one particular girl, anyway.


Nikki said...

When is your next scan? I can imagine the fear, even though nothing is wrong, and nothing will go wrong. IF takes away so much from us! I agree - the rental doppler is probably a good thing!

It's so cute that your daughter is choosing names and getting involved with the baby and getting ready for her walks with puppy and baby! How cute is that!!?

Good luck with your construction and dog search. The right dog will eventually find you, and you will have such a great time!

Good luck to your daughter for her interviews!

Sarah said...

it is really maddening having to wait, when is your next appt? there's a reason why so many pregnant infertiles have dopplers!

in the meantime, sounds like construction and school interviews and dog searching will keep you busy. good luck with all those projects!

Shelby said...

I totally understand the fear that comes along with having gone through infertility, even without any indication of problems. I wish I was as rich as Tom Cruise (without the weirdness) and was able to rent an ultrasound machine like he did. Wouldn't that be nice?

I'm happy to hear about your upcoming puppy and your daughter's amazing scores. Good luck to her on her interview!

Sky said...

All such normal feelings Lorraine but I'm still sorry you have to have them. And I can totally relate. I think, when it's hopefully me, I will never feel 100% unless I can get a scan every single day, which is unreasonable unless you're Tom Cruise's spouse :)

But you are trekking along just fine. One day at a time.

And much luck to your daughter - she's clearly a little superstar!

Lost in Space said...

I can understand wanting that reassurance. IF changes how we think and react to stuff....always waiting for that other shoe to drop. I'm sorry things can't be more naively blissful. Hugs, hun.

It sounds like things around home are going great. Good luck with the dog search, remodel, and school interviews!!

Peeveme said...

I know how you feel. I eventually did rent a doppler (the cheapest I could). I swore I wouldn't but who am I kidding right? I need the reassurance.

Best of luck maneuvering all the interviews and tests.