Friday, May 1, 2009

Cyst Twist

Did you ever play Hinky Pinky? That's when you come up with a riddle to describe a rhyming two-word answer. Like, a despondent father is a sad dad. A poetry session is a rhyme time. A current pachyderm is a relevant elephant.

In any case, the cyst twist seems to be going away on it's own. I should get a period soon. I have really wrestled with whether or not to dive right in or to take a month off. I so appreciate your comments, both for and against an immediate cycle, and I've had to really think about the difference between what feels right, what may be best, and what all of my options really are. It's been hard, because I actually agree with everything any of you said.

I had a long email exchange with my RE yesterday, just to weigh the options. He thinks one month doesn't make much difference for a single cycle, but that it takes you out of the running for a while, and in the event of a chemical pregnancy or other miscarriage, the time adds up. He just wanted to make sure I could get my final cycle in by September, which is maybe very considerate, but also not too optimistic...

In any case, I am going to wait until June. I am really, really not ready, emotionally, to be hormonally frantic right now. I have been cycling and pregnant and recuperating and cycling again since October. I need a few weeks of nothing. I really really need a break, and right now I need a break more than I need a baby. Is it crazy that I am actually at that point? That I am not drastically willing to do whatever it takes to maybe possibly get pregnant?

It's not some kind of zen-like calm acceptance of the now - it's just that I wake up tired from ten hours of sleep and I can't function like a real person any more. I'm getting headaches almost every day and my appetite is crappy. I'm pessimistic and grouchy almost all the time. This is just no way to start an IVF cycle.

My acupuncturist says that the liver can get sluggish from filtering all the hormones associated with pregnancy, loss and stimming. She thinks I need to take the month to cleanse my system. And as much as I remain skeptical about the new-aginess of some of the things she talks about, I do feel like I'm bogged down and clogged up. I wish I could go to one of those luxurious spas where they detoxify you with seaweed massages and mud baths. If I'm going to "cleanse", I would like it to feel fabulous, but spas are kind of out of my scope right now. Maybe I'll just take the week-long course of liver-cleansing herbs and see if I feel better. Well, and maybe one of those fancy pedicures with reflexology, too...


musicmakermomma said...

Glad you have decided how to proceed - and (hopefully) we'll be cycle buddies! And (also hopefully!!!) pg together for 9 long months. Can't wait.

InfertileMadWoman said...

Wow you weren't kidding about the crossroads!!! You know I think that we are related!! I am on the BCP as of last night as a just in case I am ever ready to do the FET. My doc wants it sooner rather then later to. Glad your cyst is better!!


PJ said...

Oooh pedicures! I need one, and wish we could go together. I like the kind where they massage your calves with that good smelly stuff! :)

I must say that as annoyed as I was at having to sit around and wait for all of that testing, I did enjoy the calm of it and I wish that for you. It really is wearing, both physically and emotionally. Wishing you peace.

Best When Used By said...

So glad to hear that your cyst twist is resolving itself! That's great news. And I admire your decision to take a month off to rest, detox and just heal. Your body has been through a lot and it deserves a little attention (like that fabulous pedicure). Sometimes it feels like there is so much pressure, both internal and external, to keep up the pace and do anything and everything to "make it happen." I'm glad you and your RE worked it out.

Final thought ~ I understand that cayenne pepper is good for liver detox.

Blossom and Her Fruit said...

I am glad you are taking time off if your body requires it to be at its top for you. :D

Evergreen said...

"I really really need a break, and right now I need a break more than I need a baby. Is it crazy that I am actually at that point?"

No, this does not sound crazy AT ALL! It's a good idea for your body and your mind to take some time to clear itself out. And a pedicure sounds like just the thing!

Sky said...

Lorraine - one of my oldest blog buddies! :)))

Listen, I'm going undercover :) (just making the blog private)

Please send me an email to so I can add you to the list. You'll only have to sign in once then and check off "remember me" and I think that's it, it'll be open to you always in future.


DAVs said...

I'm glad you have a plan in place that allows you some rest. Hopefully the liver cleanse won't be too bad!

I think it's always nice to go into a cycle at least somewhat refreshed--we at least deserve that, right?? Treat yourself well on your break!