Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Girl Talk

First, thank you for all the emails and comments regarding my mean mommy moment. I feel so much better about it all after reading about how many of you felt that you were stuck in the role of people-pleaser and struggled to break that habit. I'm not sure I was a people-pleaser so much as a self-underminer, but I am determined to show my daughter that she can look out for her own best interest without being a mean girl. The few women I know who have vowed that their daughters WILL NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES become people-pleasers have been the mothers of the girls who tend to coerce and manipulate the other kids. I just can't believe that that's the only other option.

The one thing my daughter said is something that I think we all know too well - it's so much easier to figure out, afterwards, what would have been the best thing to say. Doing it in the moment is the tricky part. And figuring out who tends to put you in those spots is crucial - it turns out that the sleepover girl tends to be pushy in lots of situations. Which is probably useful, since I can almost certainly rely on her to provide some "learning opportunities". And the other thing is, she's not a bad kid, really - it will probably be good for her to be stood up to, just to know that she can't always have everything her way.

Maybe the expectations of "being a girl" are much broader and less stereotypical than they were when we were kids - but most of the same cliches are still there. The mean girls are still wearing short shorts and lots of lip gloss and flipping their hair around when the boys are watching. The boys still flock to the eyelash-batting queen bees, who make perfect fake MacCaulay Culkin-esque expressions of shock when their bra straps are snapped. But I do think the quieter girls have a better time of it these days - at least when my daughter is teased about being too Hermione Granger-ish, she takes it as a compliment.

By the way, I won't have to worry about girl issues this next time around - today's scan left no doubts about that:

That second image is an upside down baby with knees up and ankles crossed - fetal yoga? Couldn't really ask for a better angle, though.

As far as the other things that this "early structural" scan revealed, all systems look good, there are no soft markers for any of the problems that routinely show up at this phase, and blood flows through the placenta and the cord are fine. The cord has three vessels and the placenta is safely out of the way on my right side. The second trimester screening info should be back next week - and my OB says that the fact that she hasn't heard yet is a good sign. Bad news tends to come back faster, for some reason. The other interesting thing she told me that the first trimester screen - blood plus nuchal scan - is more accurate for Down's than the second - there are less false positives.

I know there are 97,000 other things that can go wrong, but being oooooold means that Down's is more likely, so that's been a concern all along. My daughter said she just hopes the baby's cute. I told her I hope he doesn't have any major problems, and then she said that not being cute IS a major problem. But I'm pretty sure babies are generally cute, so at least that's one thing I'm not too worried about.

I'm really starting to get attached, though. It's just impossible not to, really.


NoodleGirl said...

Aw, your bean is just lovely! So nice that he gave you a definitive look at his goodies, haha! GL on a great 2T screen result!

DAVs said...

First of all, congrats on the boy! And everything else looking so good, that's really good news.

Secondly, I think some babies are most definitely not cute. Sorry, just had to say that. In our Seinfeldian referenced world we say: breathtaking :)

Lorraine said...

Okay - I'll have to give in on the non-cute babies. I saw a little ogre in a stroller today on my morning walk!

Wombded said...

Lot's of good news. Those pics are a beautiful thing to behold. Thanks for sharing.

Best When Used By said...

Congratulations on your son! How exciting! Your DH must be thrilled. I'm positive your little guy will be adorable and your daughter has nothing to worry about!

Speaking of which, I'm sorry I missed your previous post. I agree with the other commenters that you did the right thing by making her go to the workshop and talking to her about making choices for herself. All of us, even adults, struggle with decision making. And sometimes we suffer a little for the choices we make. But that helps us learn to think ahead the next time too. I don't think eleven years old is too early to begin learning those lessons. Better than protecting her until she goes off to college and then sending her off unprepared. Good job, mom.

And beautiful U/S too, btw! Sweet baby!

Evergreen said...

I'm enjoying reading your thoughts about being your daughter's mother. This is new territory for me, and it's great to start thinking about how I'm going to raise my daughter. Thanks for the napping link - I'll check it out.

And congrats on the little boy! I'm glad everything is looking good.

Mad Hatter said...

I commented on this post earlier and it didn't stick! Grrr! Congrats on your beautiful boy, Lorraine! He's gorgeous! I'm so pleased for you, and am sending lots of healthy, bouncing boy baby thoughts!!

Gwynn said...

YAY baby boy!!!Congratulations that all is well and wonderful for now. It's nice that he was so obliging with the goods!

(Our little guy was an in utero exhibitionist too.)

Lost in Space said...

Congrats on your boy!! I can't imagine he will be anything but cute!

Lara (NoodleGirl) said...

I have an award for you at my blog!