Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Telling

I have two real-life friends who have been going through IF treatment. One is pregnant and due only a few weeks after me, and one just had surgery for a septum and is ready to start with her next cycle. We tell each other everything and they have known about my pregnancy since I peed on that first stick. As for everyone else...

I've been wearing very carefully designed outfits and carrying extra large bags (easy enough since I usually have a giant tote filled with rolled up permit-drawing sets wherever I go) and sweaters draped strategically over my shoulder. I think my boss is so wrapped up in his own thought process most of the time that he hasn't noticed much beyond the fact that I may be gaining a little weight. But at this point, it's fairly obvious that I'm not just eating too much cheese. If I don't start talking people will make their own assumptions. Plus, my dad is coming to visit, so at least for my family that's the de facto deadline.

I was going to wait until the level 2 u/s to officially announce anything, and I'm sure my dad will keep quiet for an extra ten days or so if I ask him to, but now I wonder if it's really necessary. I'm more optimistic than I thought I would be at this point - all the tests are good, I have the fancy doppler with the digital readout and the heartrate is incredibly consistent, plus I've been feeling little squirmings in there for about a week now. I think I'm going to just take that leap of faith and make the big announcement.

My dad is probably the best person to start with, anyway. I know he'll be really happy for us, say the right things and I won't have to worry about even a hint of a negative comment. My mom will say something like "Aren't you supposed to be planning your retirement instead of raising another child? Have you thought this through?" But my dad will just tell me that he's thrilled, and he will be. So, the first part will be easy. As for my mom - I'll have to do some kind of calculus to figure out how long information takes to get from my dad and his wife to my sister and then to my mother. The proof will be when the aunt who doesn't get along with my mother finally calls me - then I'll know the news has made it all the way through the family gossip mill.

I'm thinking about sending the announcement to all of my aunts and cousins at once - thereby depriving my mother of her precious gossip, but also bypassing her possibly dire spin tactics. For a woman without much in the way of a life, it would certainly ruin what could easily be the highlight of her - week? month? - but I'm sure she'll make up for it with follow-up emails and all kinds of conversations behind my back.

See why I like to keep this blog kinda private?

PS - Thanks for the recent lovely blog awards - I promise to do them after my dad leaves!

11 comments:

Evergreen said...

"Have you thought this through?" uh, no mom, I just accidentally fell into IVF ....

Telling dad 1st sounds like a good plan. I like telling everyone else at once to circumvent the gossip.

I'm glad you are feeling confident enough in your pregnancy to start announcing -- that's awesome.

PJ said...

That's so exciting that you are feeling stirrings in there and that the dopplar is consistent.

I'm also VERY excited that you have made it this far and are ready to announce it.

Sorry about the pending family drama. It's kind of amusing though that you can pretty much predict how it will play out, lol!

Soooo happy for you!

Mad Hatter said...

Your line about how your mom will make up for it with follow up calls made me smile - I'm sure she will! ;-) Yay that it's time to start thinking about these things!

DAVs said...

Oh man...parents. More particularly, mothers. I'm sorry yours will gossip and make pointed comments, THAT is no fun. But I am glad your Dad will say just the right thing--and I think it's exciting to start telling!

Gwynn said...

Ugg! I hate it that sometimes family drama queens and politics have the power to take the joy out of an otherwise joyous event. But it seems like you have a good, healthy sense of humor about it!

It's sooo exciting that you're beginning to feel some squirming!! YAY!!

Lisa DG said...

I so know the family politics. My dad had the nerve to ask why I was even bothering and my step mom used to tell me to have some wine and relax.

Whenever you tell will be the right time. I am so happy for you....

Best When Used By said...

First of all, I'm so happy to hear that doppler is consistent, squirmings are present and your optimism is increasing! We are in precisely the same spot with respect to work mates and dressing to hide the belly. And you KNOW I absolutely sympathize concerning your mom. I just went through all of that myself. I hope it works out better for you! Good luck and I hope you get enough positive reaction to revel in a bit!

RoseAG said...

If you get any comments about retirement you can say that you took at peek at your 401(k) and you don't think retirement is much of an option anyway.

Celia said...

Your Mom and mine were separated at birth. After we told her yesterday she smoked a cigarette and went right to the phone. She loves gossip. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. She was in shock for at least half an hour and then we left. So she has a few days before I see her again to get the worst of everything out of her system. Good luck.

Lost in Space said...

So I'm late to the game and now wondering how all the "telling" went! (-;

Gwynn said...

Hi! Just wanted to pop by and let you know that I miss you. I know your dad's been visiting, but I always get worried when people's blogs go quiet for so long. Hope his visit was lovely and that your ultrasound went off without a hitch.