Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Technical Terms

I got the fert report from the clinic coordinator this morning. She said, and I quote: of the ten eggs, two "died" and two were "broken".

Not sure what that means, but the other 6 fertilized "beautifully", so I'm trying to just be glad that something in there seems to be working. I'll know more Thursday morning - in the meantime, I am still in the "whatever" mindset, so none of this is either getting my hopes up or bringing me down. I'm not even trying to be all zen about it, I just don't have that level of excitement that I used to think was so unavoidable.

I used to take each step as a cleared hurdle - yay, retrieval! yay, fertilization! etc. - but now I know that it's not about making it through each minor part of the process. Anything can happen, and all of those milestones don't really mean as much to me anymore. There are a million light years between where I am now and a sibling for my daughter, and I know that every journey starts with a single step, blah blah blah. But for now I'm looking at the big picture, not "futurizing" (as my daughter's ed. psych. says) and just focussing on the fact that I will be able to know in my heart that I did everything I could, that one way or the other I will be at peace with all of this.


Evergreen said...

I think you have a great attitude - the big picture instead of focusing on the minutiae. I'm hoping for great news on Thursday about your 6 little beauties!

musicmakermomma said...

I hope your pain is subsiding, just one more thing to bear in this process. I know what you mean about not being excited about each step anymore, I'm trying to get revved up but my heart isn't really in it.

Is your transfer scheduled for Friday? Good luck - hope your sixpack all comes through!