I got the fert report from the clinic coordinator this morning. She said, and I quote: of the ten eggs, two "died" and two were "broken".
Not sure what that means, but the other 6 fertilized "beautifully", so I'm trying to just be glad that something in there seems to be working. I'll know more Thursday morning - in the meantime, I am still in the "whatever" mindset, so none of this is either getting my hopes up or bringing me down. I'm not even trying to be all zen about it, I just don't have that level of excitement that I used to think was so unavoidable.
I used to take each step as a cleared hurdle - yay, retrieval! yay, fertilization! etc. - but now I know that it's not about making it through each minor part of the process. Anything can happen, and all of those milestones don't really mean as much to me anymore. There are a million light years between where I am now and a sibling for my daughter, and I know that every journey starts with a single step, blah blah blah. But for now I'm looking at the big picture, not "futurizing" (as my daughter's ed. psych. says) and just focussing on the fact that I will be able to know in my heart that I did everything I could, that one way or the other I will be at peace with all of this.