Whiling Away

Tomorrow I have a one-hour call scheduled with the clinical coordinator to discuss my plan. I got all my calendar and lab work information, so I'm sure we'll go over that - but there must be more to it. At my old RE's office I was lucky if they could even find my chart, so I'm not used to this level of attention. Of course, if things had worked out at the old office, I wouldn't have cared a bit about their disorganization.

The differences between the offices are striking for two reasons: personalities and success rates. As a first-time IVFer, I chose an RE with whom I felt a personal, intellectual connection. We had both gone to school "back east", liked similar cultural activities and had traveled to many of the same places. We had oodles to talk about and I would have loved to meet her at a cocktail party.

I think she was generally very knowledgeable, but as an "unexplained" infertile, things were murky from the start. I did get pregnant with my very first medicated cycle, on something like a half dose of the smallest stim usually used. That probably complicated all my further treatment there, because after I miscarried - actually, it was technically a "missed miscarriage", meaning that although the heartbeat slowed and then disappeared after several weeks - my body never got on with the unpleasant business of expulsion. After a D&C, she said she had every reason to believe that it was just a matter of time before I was pregnant again. Pathology had shown a trisomy 17, which is not inherited, so she upped my stim dose and sent me on my way to try again. We muddled our way through a few more cycles and then moved on to IUI. The same thing (more or less) happened again, and we then we fumbled through two IVF cycles and somehow two years had passed.

If that was the boutique fertility clinic, this new place is the major department store. The new RE seems like a perfectly nice guy. If I sat next to him at a dinner party it would probably be fine. Maybe not scintillatingly memorable, but certainly not awful in any way. The thing is, I don't care any more. He seems dedicated, research-oriented and willing to discuss all concerns and options. The clinic has one of the best labs in the country and a thoroughness that tries to account for every possible reason that might thwart success. Of course, that's no guarantee, but it's better than wondering if maybe, if only, if possibly...

I wish I had known enough three years ago to just start here. I may never have another baby, and I'm trying really hard to maintain some kind of objective reality about that, but at this point, it's just nice to think that my chart probably won't be lost this time.