Friday, December 12, 2008

July 20th

I had another ultrasound yesterday, and the RE told me I could stop worrying about an early miscarriage. He hastily added that there are no guarantees, etc., etc. - but of the few things they look for (heartbeat, growth, condition of yolk sack, no hemorrhaging behind the placenta) all are just fine.

I could see the head vs. body differentiation, and even a little twisty movement and head bopping. Of course, on the little picture it all just looks like a blob, but I swear I saw that blob shrug, as if to say "It is what it is, lady. Just chill." So, okay, I get the message.

Here's the blob, with the head at the top, in profile. The round thing by its (eventual) feet is the yolk sac.

I did go on a drawstring-pants shopping spree, and also got some drapey tops. One of my best friends is getting married Christmas Eve, so I have to find some kind of fancy loose outfit. And I'm thinking of actually telling her that I'm pregnant, instead of making up some kind of reason for not drinking the champagne. How's that for throwing caution to the wind?

Meanwhile, I made my first OB appointment. My RE likes to have an overlap of care, just a week or two. Then, the nuchal translucency scan in the first week of January. Suddenly, it all seems real. It's impossible to remain detached and neutral through all of this, anyway. I can't be invested enough to eat really well and avoid all the bad things and generally try to be a good pregnant lady while also trying not to get too invested in the pregnancy. I am just not that psychologically complicated.

I think the real story now is all about being pregnant and old. I know that over women over 40 may have increased risks for growth problems, preterm labor, preeclampsia, high blood pressure & gestational diabetes. But I'm just not up for worrying about all that too much. It's not that I'm putting my head in the sand - I'll make sure to exercise (at least a little bit) and have any weird symptom checked immediately - but somehow making it past your own personal infertility hurdles is exhausting enough. Fretting about hypothetical problems is just too much - I'll cross those bridges when and if I come to them.

Of course, I'll still be nervous for the nuchal scan, the triple screen, the big anatomy ultrasound. But it seems somehow like normal-person worry, not desperate-infertile-worry-which-
mourns-the-wretched-injustice-of-it-all. I might even buy a bib or something, if it's on sale. (Although I do have pre-planned escape routes for any early purchases - pregnant sister, pregnant cousin, pregnant dear friend. One boy, one set of boy-girl twins, one unknown. I figure I can re-gift pretty much anything.)


Nikki said...

Your baby is beautiful Lorraine! So very cute!

Good luck with your tests and appointments with the OB etc - I hope everything continues to go smoothly!

PJ said...

What wonderful, fantastic, awesome news!!! I'm so glad that you have some time of peace, a time to enjoy overcoming infertility and can now not worry so much about miscarrying. Good times!

Hey, you'll have to update us on how your daughter is doing, or just leave me a comment. Did she adjust to her class, or did they move her? Hopefully I did not miss something.

Midlife Mommy said...

Thanks for sharing your scan, and I'm glad you got the good news about your little one.

I know that there are some possible increased risks in "advanced maternal age" pregnancies (I even hate saying that phrase). But, when we talked with my RE about whether or not there was an age cut off at our clinic, he said that there wasn't, because they'd spoken with high risk OBs, and while there are risks, they are not so great as to preclude a pregnancy. My RE is very, very conservative (I've complained about that before!). But in this case, it makes me feel better. I hope it makes you feel better, too.

Claudia said...

Such good news! Hooray for you and your little passenger.

I was much the same way when I finally got pregnant. I was so exhausted from all the infertility drama that by the time my pregnancy started seeming real and possible, I had little energy left to obsess about it. Not such a bad thing, in retrospect.

Enjoy yourself!

Shelby said...

Oh, I'm so happy to hear this! I've been waiting for an update on the little one. I was just explaining what's it's like to be in that 'infertile-waiting for the bottom to drop' place while pregnant to my Mom, and remembered what an awful place that is. I am so glad you are able to move past that. Your good news certainly makes it possible!

Sky said...

What a beauty! :)

I'm so thrilled that everything is moving along just fine Lorraine - you certainly deserve to feel secure. I hope that maybe after a couple more months you'll be in a much much better place and can plan for the long haul.


Lost in Space said...

I am so happy to see this!! Beautiful picture indeed!!

Nikki said...

Lorraine - I tagged you - details are on my blog.

JJ said...

Hello beautiful babe! Best of luck Lorraine!