This time I have a whole smorgasbord of side effects - I am insanely irritable, up until 3 or 4 every night, headaches round the clock, racing heart, bloated midsection. I just had a giant breakdown which ended in some very dramatic she-devil yelling on my part. Even as I shrieked I was appalled - but there was really nothing I could do about it. My husband just doesn't get that being supportive and understanding at some point mid-morning does not let him off the hook for the rest of the day. We are supposedly in this as a two-person team, but as long as he still thinks his part involves a cup and a magazine, we are not going to get along very well. (In his defense, he is theoretically very committed to being emotionally strong for me during this cycle, but I think he just keeps forgetting what that might actually entail.)
Tomorrow I start the stims - follistim 600 for a few days, then stepping down to 375 with monitoring. 600 means two shots a day, which doesn't really bother me in terms of the injections, but it is a lot of drug. I can only imagine what new side effects will crop up - but I'll take them all, and cross my fingers that it turns out to be just part of what it takes to make this cycle work.
Meanwhile, I have to work on my calm pleasant demeanor for the teacher conference tomorrow. It turns out there there is a whole blog-world that revolves around gifted children - I have honestly never googled anything about this before, but it has been a wealth of interesting information and I feel like an idiot for not doing this research years ago. But, my kid isn't some overwhelming genius, so... I don't know.
Parenting is a separate struggle. I have found so many amazing women in this IF sphere - I think I really need that for the gifted-child struggles, too. And I remember that when I was first reading blogs I could tell that everybody loved Tertia, but I literally couldn't read her posts because they were all about her toddlers - I couldn't take it, and I already had a child! The emotional aspect is just too intense. So, I'll have to figure it out as I go - maybe I need a separate blog, but things are about to get really dramatic because we finally got her test scores from the first "practice" standardized test last year. I always knew she was a smartish kid - but I guess not wanting to focus on it exclusively may have backfired in a way that makes me feel like I have really failed her, and being sad and irritable and exhausted is not helping me figure out what to do next. Grrr....