Sunday, March 29, 2009

Thanks, But No Thanks

I was never completely freaked out that my cousin and my sister both announced pregnancies last year. After all, I had a new RE, an aggressive protocol, and then - I was actually pregnant myself. I was able to really be happy for them, to ask how things were going, if they had thought of names, etc. It was, you know - normal.

They were due within a month of each other, but ended up delivering on the same day in January. One was overdue with an extremely large boy, the other a few weeks early with twins. I was still pregnant at the time, happy for them, thinking how great it was that all these kids would be so close in age. They would grow up together the way the the five of us who were all within a few years of each other had. Nice.

Today my mom called happily yammering away about seeing my cousin's twins, visiting my sister for a month, letting me know that my cousin will be here next week and that she wants me to meet her babies...

Is my month up, or something? Was that my window of sadness and now I'm supposed to go back to the way it was when we were all having babies together? Isn't it enough that I will have to have these reminders with me for the REST OF MY LIFE without having to go be all smiley and coochy-coo before I can even manage to get through a diaper commercial?

I love my cousin, and of course my sister. I'm so happy for them, especially because they both had crappy romantic experiences and waited a long time for this. I really want to be a good aunt /whatever your mother's cousin is but do I have to do it next week? I just can't believe my mother didn't even ask if I felt okay about any of this.

This is why I don't discuss any of this with her. It's like, if she has to be told how to be empathetic it doesn't really count.


Nikki said...

I'm sorry your mom is not being very empathetic right now. Sometimes they say things and don't realize that we are getting hurt just by those statements.

I'm sure if you told her she would back off.

How are you doing otherwise?

InfertileMadWoman said...

Awww, I am so sorry sweetie. I know that has to bite the big one, and I would be honest with her and them... if you are not ready, then you are not ready. Don't push yourself to go if you are uncomfortable. I really think that they will understand. I know I do. You hang in there and follow your heart!!!

Thanks for the sweet comments on my blog!


MamaSoon said...

She missed out on an enormous opportunity to show you empathy and support. It is so so hard to deal with family being pregnant and having babies some days.

Sky said...

Unfortunately, the very thing we wouldn't wish on those we love - infertility, losing a baby - is the one thing that would truly help them understand innately how difficult this is for someone and how insensitive chucking babies at you is right now - and perhaps for a long time to come.

But we love our moms anyway - because this one wonderful thing is true: No matter how many times my mother did/said hurtful things to me, I know she loved me more than anything in the world and it was never her wish that my heart would hurt.


Lost in Space said...

I'm so sorry. I sometimes think people go with the notion that because you want a baby, you must be interested in all babies all the time. I'm sorry she can't see how hard this is for you and to recognize that you are grieving the loss of your own baby in the midst of all the births.

Many, many hugs.