Saturday, April 4, 2009

Cycle Day Whatever

I did finally get a period, of course. But now I am in pre-cycle limbo, in a sort of antagonist-suspended animation. Instead of BCPs, I am on a quarter-dose (62.5) of ganerelix. I do have CD6 and CD9 wanding appointments, and a CD-2 lab slip for baseline blood work.

My protocol is only a little bit different this time. In about a week I'll go on the half-dose of ganerelix plus the always lovely dexamethasone. When I start the stims I'll be on three days of follistim 600, then step it down to 375 for (hopefully) fewer days than last time. There is a correlation between stim time and quality, so we're hoping for a faster response this cycle. As far as quantity goes, more is always nice, but quality is the focus now. I am a science experiment, at this point. I keep telling myself that it will be so nice to be done with this, to know one way or the other, to be free from always wondering. If this cycle is a bust, I have one more in September and then it's all over. Done.

It's so odd to be back at the clinic. I don't have the visceral loathing that I came to have for my last clinic, the money-sucking-time-waster that I have to drive by on my way to work. In general, I'm happy with my RE and the staff is efficient and helpful. But it's sad to be back there, to know that whatever happens I won't have that same hopeful feeling again. If it works, great. If not, fine. I know I've written this same kind of sentence over and over again - it's my mantra now. Whatever happens, fine. Fine, fine, fine.

But who am I kidding? I know that hope creeps in, that once things look good at all, at any step along the way, hope flings itself into the picture and then that's that. I keep wondering if it will be different this time, if I won't let myself expect too much, if I can keep the process at a distance. And maybe I can. Maybe. But I doubt it.

6 comments:

Nikki said...

That's a very different protocol from any that I've heard of! I hope it works - good luck!

Lorraine said...

Yep - me too! The ganerelix-only idea is that I don't need a lot of suppression, and the BCPs might over-suppress me. Plus, it's only for a week. Who knows? At this point, I'll try anything!

Sky said...

That's so cool - I was only on Ganirelix toward the end of my cycle with my eggs - just before egg retrieval was scheduled.

Hey, sometimes you have to think outside the box, right?

Hoping you get a handful of super awesome eggs!

Lost in Space said...

Sounds like you are working with a great RE who is able and willing to specialize an approach just for you!!

I'm hoping for good things for you this cycle!!

Evergreen said...

I'm sorry that I lost track of you! Sounds like your doc is tailoring your protocol to your situation, and that's great! Hoping all the best for you this cycle!

onegoodswimmer said...

Oh! We are nearly on the same schedule...so happy to find you! We are starting ANY day, should get my period any minute. Would love to keep in touch and see how you do. We will be on the microdose flare protocol. Lots of Lupron. A bit worried about the weight gain, but we'll see. Estrogen level is already high, so we're trying to ge through it all quickly.

I have been journaling our experience, and now translating to a blog. Would love to get your comments along the way!
http://onegoodswimmer.wordpress.com/
All the best to you. I'll add you to our blogroll as well.
Kate