Lag Time

So, maybe it wasn't the best idea to schedule my ultrasound - on the other side of LA - while I'm still eight hours ahead of local time. It might have been okay in the morning (we've all been up since about 4:00), but by this afternoon my eyelids were drooping and I couldn't finish my sentences. I probably should have rescheduled, but my sanity had been pinned to this ultrasound for so long that it didn't occur to me that I might not go.

I had to stop for a 7Up in hopes that the sugar rush would perk me up, and I cranked the oldies station and tried to channel some of that boppy energy. And it worked, to the extent that I did make it to the clinic without actually falling asleep at the wheel. But I had the bizarre wish that there was such a thing as eyelid-propper-uppers, which can't be a good sign.

The nervousness was crazy. There were all sorts of billing issues and it took forever to get into the little room. Then I sat there with the giant napkin over my lap, waiting and waiting for the doctor to finally come in and read the verdict. When he did get the probe in I couldn't even look at the screen. After so many scans I can say that when there is a lot of wand movement and the doctor/tech doesn't say anything for a while it's not a good sign. That was all I could concentrate on - how long would it take him to say something. I think I actually closed my eyes until I heard him start talking.

The first thing he said was that the baby was really moving around a lot. Suddenly, everything else seemed less crucial - the exact beats per minute, the specific crown-rump length - it all just became "everything looks normal". Such a relief! At 11w1d the baby measured 11w3d, but was moving around so much that it can't be particularly accurate. I guess the 7Up did perk things up, after all...

So, alive and well. So far, so good. I even drove home without even thinking about my eyelids. I have another scan on Friday (nuchal translucency) so at least I know I can make it through this week without worrying myself into a frenzy. I'm so relieved that I don't even know what would have happened if it had been bad news. And I know that this isn't the end of worrying, I know that there are no guarantees, but for now, I'll take it. It finally feels good to be home.