Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Hospital Jail

So, it's no surprise that bleeding means another night in the hospital. A few days ago, I woke up from a nice mid-morning nap to find... well... more than "spotting" but less than "flow". I grabbed the doppler, was flooded with relief to hear the little guy's heart banging away, and called my OB.

I am sooo glad I got the doppler back, by the way, since it is really the only thing between me and full-blown panic at this point. I suppose I could just get a stethoscope, but I like the digital readout and the fact that I can compare the sounds to what I'm used to hearing.

Anyway, she did an ultrasound and an hour of monitoring in her office and decided that I was having too many contractions and needed to go for overnight monitoring until they subsided. Which I didn't mind - better safe than sorry and all that.

The contractions were the same sort of tightening that I've had for a while now, so I hadn't thought much of it. But at the hospital they were getting bigger and closer together, so my OB finally ordered terbutaline, which shut them right down. Apparently, it sometimes just takes one dose to calm the muscle and sort of reset things. The theory is that my little tag of placenta gets irritated and then it bleeds and the whole uterus gets irritated and that causes contractions. Obviously, the main problem would be if the placenta gets so irritated that it starts to detach. And of course, the thing that is most likely to irritate it is Mr. Baby himself, mashing it with his (relatively) gigantic feet.

So, a night in the hospital isn't so bad, right? Except that when I called my husband to tell him what was going on and ask him to bring me my computer and my already-packed bag, he said he was "really, really sick" and didn't want to go out in the rain and into a germy hospital and that it was exhausting enough that he had to pick up our daughter and figure out dinner, etc. etc., and that he would just pick me up in the morning.

Um.... really? For one thing, I hadn't eaten anything except oatmeal at about 7:00 am. And even though the hospital looks kind of like a fancy spa, the food is the same old soggy bland stuff that any hospital serves. I pointed this out to him, and he told me to order take-out. Yes, that's right - my husband told his pregnant wife, in the hospital for the third time, that he wasn't going to drive the twelve blocks to see her, much less bring her anything like decent food or a toothbrush.

I am pretty sure I will never forgive him. I mean, I won't hold it against him actively, but it will go into the general understanding of how our relationship works. And the thing is, he's basically a good guy - I am always caught off guard by his detachment from me when I need him the most. I mean, it's not like I was asking for much.

And to make matters worse, the on-call doctor never showed up the next morning. I was supposed to be released if the contractions hadn't come back, but nobody would officially let me go. By lunchtime I told the nurses that I was done, I took off the monitors and got dressed - there was a hep-lock in my arm, but no IV, so at least I could get my sleeve on. I called my husband and told him to come immediately.

I hadn't had any real food (graham crackers the night before, a soggy pancake and old lukewarm coffee for breakfast - the ideal pregnancy diet!) for almost 30 hours. I hadn't brushed my teeth or taken a shower. I felt like I was in jail. The nurses made some half-hearted excuses for the doctor, but it was pretty obvious that if the on-call isn't your own doctor and you're basically fine, there isn't hope for much consideration. I asked if I could just take the hep-lock out myself, so they paged the doctor and I was released over the phone. Why did I have to wait until noon for that?

My husband did at least come to pick me up, but he wouldn't come up to L&D. A wheelchair guy took me down to the lobby - my husband had somehow managed to gather the strength to drag his carcass from the ten-minute parking spots right outside the door to the seating area inside.

I am telling you, I have a lot of sympathy for anyone with a horrible respiratory illness. I've had bronchitis (several times), whooping cough and mycoplasmic pneumonia. I worked on a master plan for the redevelopment of a major respiratory hospital, including interviews with long-term patients and staff. I know how weak and awful you can feel when you can't breathe properly. But I also know that if you're doing that badly you wouldn't be able to go watch basketball with the guys later that day.

I'm just focussing on the fact the baby is doing well, that I am past 34 weeks now, that in another week and a half my OB won't do anything to stop my contractions, and that I may have a chance to raise a boy to be a considerate and compassionate man. The kind who would bring his hospitalized wife a spinach salad with grilled chicken, maybe.


musicmakermomma said...

Oh hon. I would totally have brought you silly magazines and lovely food - I can't believe your DH...except that I am married to him too! (as you know!) I hope his team got stomped at said Man Party.

You take it easy, and please call others if you can to help you out (since he is useless in this arena). Thinking of you, funny how you are 3 weeks from the end and I'm 3 weeks from the beginning (hopefully).

PJ said...

Oh my! Gah, I can't believe he didn't come through for you. Even reluctantly!

I'm glad you're 34 weeks. I knew you were close, but that's a good number. Hang in there.

Jules a.k.a. Julie said...

Oh, Lorraine! How horrible! I'm so sorry that your husband wasn't there for you when you needed him the MOST! That is just rotten and his actions unacceptable! I certainly would never be able to forgive him after a hurt like that. You have my total sympathy and if I lived near, I would have totally brought you a spinach grilled chicken salad! BIG, BIG HUGS!

I'm glad that you are getting so close now though. A week and a half-- You can make it and I hope no more hospital trips are involved for your sake (and so that I don't have to rant on your dh again!)

Christina said...

How horrible! What's wrong with guys sometimes? I think they all have their moments. I'm hoping the rest of your pregnancy is uneventful!

Bad Egg said...

Men. As they say, "can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em." Sorry your hubby was less than optimal.

Bean said...

I'm so sorry for the bleeding and the hospital stay and the husband! Sometime they are definitely not what we'd hope them to be. I'm so glad you're 34 weeks already.

As for the play yard -- we don't really have room in our house, but we're willing to give up our space for a little sanity. Several times today little guy has almost pulled a chair over on top of himself. We've gotten to where we keep all the doors closed off the hallway, but there's plenty in the living room that he can get into to. Good luck, I hope the remainder of your pregnancy is uneventful and that your hubby makes this up to you!

lastchanceivf said...

Oh man, your DH needs a wake up call. Seriously.
It reminds me of one of my fertile friends talking about her husband complaining about his feet hurting because he had to stand up for all the long hours of her long, excruciating labor. Men.

Wish I lived closer!

Thanks for the Hospice Austin suggestion. Did you know I used to work there? Weirdness. I didn't know you had any connection to Austin.

Natika said...

Husbands! They are such babies when their sick. I'm glad you have made it so far. I've been reading(lurking) for a long time. So I've been routing for you!

Shelby said...

Oh, I'm so sorry DH is being such a pain (I had another word for it, but figured I'd take the high road). I am however glad to hear that the meds stopped the contractions and all is well with the little guy. I've no doubt you'll raise a kind, compassionate man. The world will always need those!

Best When Used By said...

Nooooo! Please say he was not that selfish! Unbelievable. It's tragic when our husbands do things that forever taint the way we feel about our relationship with them. Mine has done them too. I'm so sorry you had to be in hospital jail, eating crap food, bored, and managing without a toothbrush or shower. I have had the same thought as you: I want to raise my son to be a good, considerate, thoughtful man that the women are going to love!

katery said...

ummmmm... well, i thought there might be something wrong since we hadn't heard from you in a while, i'm really glad that the contractions subsided but your husband. holy shit. i mean i'm not 100% sure i would want my husband to be there if he were sick because i would be afraid of catching whatever he had, but he would be beside himself if that happened and he couldn't be with me. also, my mom or dad would probably come and be with me if he couldn't be there, not sure if that's an option for you, i don't do well in those situations alone though so if i couldn't have my husband, mom or dad there i would probably have to call a friend or something. i hate to think of you all alone in the hospital.

RoseAG said...

What a bum!
Your worthless hubby has not furthered the cause of male-kind one little bit. A pox on him -at some time when you and children are gone so you don't get it too.

And now. Move on. He was a bum, undeserving of the wonderful little bundle that you are doing your best to bring into the world.

I'm big on don't get mad, get even. Your chance will come and when it does - sock it to him.

Leave it at that. Relax be of good cheer and see if you can get to week 35.

Wombded said...

Here, here for raising a loving, considerate little man who will always sit by his wife's bedside and take her spinach salads!

Hold on little man. Grow and mature your little lungs.

I'm not going to say anything about how I had major asthma/bronchitis in the third trimester of pregnancy and still sucked it up and did what I had to do because I don't want to make you dwell on what a putz your husband was.

Sometimes we have to just remind ourselves of their good qualities and why we married them.

Nobody will always do what you want them to do or what you would have done. You have to let them know the things that you can and can't live with. Then you move forward and they know what you expect of them.

Breathe, forgive, move on.

Lost in Space said...

I don't even know what to say about your hubby except that I am sorry!

I'm emailing you my number and I insist that you use it should this kind of need rise again. I can be there in under an hour with spinach salad and toothbrush in hand.

Hang in there!! You are so close now.

Evergreen said...

First of all, I am so glad you and your baby are doing ok.

Now, about your husband. I must confess, at first I was thinking "maybe he really is really sick, no excuse but maybe understandable." And then he went to watch basketball. Now I am speechless. What is the bum thinking?

Midlife Mommy said...

Ah yes. Even the good ones can be a big turd sometimes. Case in point in the room next door to me at the moment. You need a girlfriend to help!