Onward

I had my baseline US and bloodwork today - everything looks good and there are at least five or six antral follicles per ovary, so I am officially cleared for this cycle. I have had light bleeding for a few days, even while I was still taking the bcps, so I had been dreading... something, although I'm not even sure what, exactly. The doctor was very informative about everything, very attentive and helpful with even the kind of problems my old RE would have sloughed off onto a nurse. I really feel that I'm in good hands - which of course nudges me towards optimism, which is ruining my neutral relationship with the emotional aspect of this cycle.

Hope usually builds during the cycle - it actually seems to be directly correlated with the stims - and my strategy was to just keep it at low levels for as long as possible, thereby avoiding an overabundance of it at the end. We'll see how long that lasts. If I am feeling some kind of optimism at this point, I am probably doomed to hopefulness by the end of next week.

I am now on just the dex and also ganerelix, the antagon part of the protocol. The ganerelix just keeps ovulations from happening during the stim phase - it's the opposite of the hcg trigger shot. According to my calendar, I should also start taking prenatal vitamins now - I had to laugh at that one, since I've been taking them for over ten years. Clearly, a lack of folic acid is not my problem. Of course, I am also taking all my wheatgrass/fish oil/green tea/CoQ 10/zinc supplements, and having acupuncture twice a week. If this cycle works, I will probably never know what the magic ingredient really was, but of course it won't matter then.

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In other news, thanks for the kind emails and comments regarding my last post. I still can't figure out how I would have felt about the situation if it weren't for the lupron craziness, plus the dex, which is kind of like downing seven espressos at once, but I do know that I will have to have come to a less emotional equilibrium before the first parent-teacher conferences of the year. My daughter loves her teachers, one of whom she also had last year and is particularly fond of. I certainly don't want to collapse in some kind of hormone-induced puddle while we talk about all this and make them feel terrible. Luckily, I don't start stims until the day of the conference, so I think I might be okay...

I'm going to encourage her to try some after-school activities that involve more kids. Currently she takes piano at home, and has rock-climbing with a friend one day a week and yoga another day. I think something like theater or a music thing with a group would be good, something with a lot of interaction. Rock-climbing and yoga are both group classes, but they are fairly solitary pursuits in general. Meanwhile, I'll just book up on playdates and sleepovers, and try not to think too much about the whole idea of middle school...