Friday, November 21, 2008


My ultrasound got rescheduled. Now I am feeling very bah-humbuggy about this holiday thing, and the fact that my doctor actually seems to want some time off. Hmph! And because of my own guests and then some big client meetings that can't be moved around, I will have to wait another week. Just when I thought I was almost kinda maybe going to make it until the 26th!

I know I should just be happy that so far things at least haven't taken any dramatic turn for the worse. But it also seems that, for all of us, reaching whatever milestone was the one that wasn't reached before is so emotionally fraught. A first-heartbeat ultrasound is still so early in the game, it doesn't guarantee anything, really. But my last two pregnancies more or less ended on that murky screen, so this is especially nerve-wracking for me. I'm sure that, if all goes well at this stage, I would go on to panic over the nuchal-fold test, the "big" ultrasound, reaching viability... none of us can take any of those things for granted after everything we know. But this has been my particular obstacle, and the anxiety is making me crazy.

It should be a good sign that I haven't had any cramping or bleeding, but I have never miscarried so obviously. Mine have been "missed miscarriages". Weeks without a heartbeat, and nothing ever happened. I had the D&Cs because it was just too hard to wait any more, just impossible to think about anything else at the time. When we decided to have the pathology work done it did show a chromosomal defect, and I am grateful to have that information. Some kind of explanation is better than just not knowing.

Anyway, in a convincing feat of pollyannaism, the nurse did tell me that at 7w2d the scan would be more definitive - before 7 weeks it might not be possible to see the heartbeat as easily. So, there's that - a more conclusive result. As long as the result is going strong, a tiny flicker in a grainy image.


Midlife Mommy said...

How disappointing! I'm not very good at waiting either.

PJ said...

Ugh! So sorry. I know that must be frustrating.

Nikki said...

Oh dear - I hate waiting too! Sorry your appointment got rescheduled! Doesn't your doctor know we're all going crazy with you??

Good luck Lorraine. A few extra days will pass too. When is the rescheduled appointment?

Shelby said...

So sorry your u/s got rescheduled. How frustrating! I can imagine what you're going through in waiting as I've been there. I wish strength, great distractions, and most importantly, sanity as you wait. Can't wait to hear the good reports when they come!

Lost in Space said...

How frustrating!!! I hope the holiday distractions hope to pass the time more quickly. Hang in there!!